Nigel Farage Awakes

The details of the deal Theresa May has negotiated with the European Union have come out. And it turns out the UK pays £40bn to keep something that must sound a lot like the current situation of being in the EU, cos otherwise the DUP will be upset and Theresa May won't have a job. But while we will have to be in something that looks awfully like the single market and the customs union (whatever they are) they're not quite the same as otherwise the DUP will be upset and Theresa May will lose her job.

In a cave under Glastonbury, King Arthur stirs. The old cave doesn't seem to be as roomy as he remembers it being when he went to sleep below the Tor. There's him and his Gwinny and all the Knights, sure. Plus Frederick Barbarossa and all his bunch. When did Charlemagne get in here? Plus Bran the Blessed, Fionn mac Cumhaill and, somewhat oddly, Cathy Earnshaw and Heathcliff. But that's not who is required here. Looking at the magic stone that Merlin left with him, Arthur notes that it's not so much England at risk here as a hard Brexit.

He looks over to where a pile of UKIP MEPS sleep the sleep of those piling up pensions which are guaranteed by an organisation they don't believe in. He lobs a solidus of the Emperor Constatine II at the ear of the snoring one who smells of beer.

Nigel Farage turns, opens one bloodshot eye. Brexit needs him. England needs him. His people need him. Grimsby needs him. Above all, perhaps, his ego needs him.

It's time for Nige to return.

---

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you. From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. And don't forget it's nearly Christmas!