Thursday, 19 January 2017
The news that Michael Bloody Flatley is dancing at the inauguration of President Trump has changed this policy. From now on we'll shove a couple of badgers in as well.
Wednesday, 18 January 2017
Anyone know what to do with a giant turtle of unspecified gender? Or, for that matter, the four elephants currently running round the LHD at sub-light-speeds?
|Great A'Tuin and his/her friends from the Sky One programme.|
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
And so my friends, I must conclude my lay.
Perhaps most appropriately, in my regular way.
Monday, 16 January 2017
Hymn: Grey Day
Archdruid: All the Celebs are dead, and the skies are gray.
All: California dreamin' on such a winter's day.
Archdruid: I'd be scared of Trump, if I were in L.A.
All: Yeah, it's not much fun over there either.
Hymn: Rainy night in Georgia
Archdruid: And now, in a moment of silence, let us untangle our earphone cables.
All may untangle their cables. iPhone users may look smug until they realise they don't remember where they've left their buds.
All: Oh wow, how few are my assets. The credit companies gnash their teeth at me. The rain it raineth every day. And it's three months till the next bank holiday. Let us sit on the floor and sing sad songs.
Archdruid: I wouldn't in this weather. You'll add a case of the Farmer's to your woes.
Hymn: Blue Monday
Archdruid: Trump's in the White House. Britain's in the red. It's raining through the fog. But on this Bluest of Blue Mondays, let's remember one happy thing.
All: At least we don't use Southern Rail.
Sunday, 15 January 2017
Marston Moretaine was out on gardening detail today, and given the job of clearing the brambles that had grown over the shed over the last couple of years. I mean, it was a proper state - blackberries miles up in the air.
So Marston's reckoning if he takes it on with his gloved hands and loppers, it's gonna hurt. But he don't want to use herbicides as he's heard how bad they are for the wildlife.
So yeah. Petrol. Brilliant.
On the bright side, that's a load of souvenir "Euro 96" Doilies that I've not been able to mark down for two decades. Finally I can make an insurance claim. I've checked the policy and the "gross stupidity" clause is definitely in there confirming we're in the clear.
Also the burnt-out brick has a certain charm. I think I might claim it's the remains of a Beaker Temple, destroyed by the evil Celts. Should be worth a few extra pilgrims in years to come.
Saturday, 14 January 2017
You will start slowly, by changing the way you face during communion. We won't understand why, but we'll leave you to it. You will replace the music group (introduced 5 years ago) with an organist and choir because it's more respectful than the old happy-clappy ways of doing things. Probably the same organist that was sacked 5 years ago,
Friday, 13 January 2017
Can't disclose too much yet. But we've got three Labour MPs applied for our vacancy for "Head of Tea Lights."
If you think your job prospects are better in a futile role in an imaginary religious community than being a moderate Labour MP.... you're probably right.
Wednesday, 11 January 2017
Went over to Kingston Tescos, as you do. Gin supplies getting dangerously low after Xmas.
The car park was really busy. Not a parking space to be seen. But I'd heard of people praying for parking spaces so thought I'd give it a go.
Sure enough - right up the front- as near as you can get to the walkthrough to the little shops as you can get with a standard space.
If I'd not ridden over on my Pashley cycle it would have been really handy. Still, it seems the concept works.
Still I'm worried now. If my prayers brought those unneeded spaces, is there currently a Pentecostal in Michigan circling a Wal-Mart in their pickup, wondering why there's no spaces? Balance must be maintained.
Tuesday, 10 January 2017
Well the Beaker Quire don't know what to do.
The invitation to perform at President Trump's inauguration came completely out of the blue. And I'm sure it was on merit, and not because the four million more accomplished bands in the Western hemisphere all said no.
But should they play? I pointed out they'd be playing for an irrational power-crazed demagogue and they said what's new?
But still. The current line up is acoustic bass, violin, guitar and pan pipes. If Trump thinks they're Mexicans he might build a wall round them